Five Things Kirk Learned About Spock
by CrimsonDreamer13
Summary: Five things James T. Kirk learned about Spock, before and during their relationship. // Thing No. 2: Spock’s source of inebriation is chocolate.
1. Spock can crack jokes and flirt

**Title:** Five Things Kirk Learned About Spock  
**Author/Artist:** CrimsonDreamer13  
**Character(s) or Pairing(s):** Kirk/Spock, mentioning of Uhura**  
Rating: **T  
**Warnings:** Implications of man-on-man sex, curse words  
**Summary: **Five things James T. Kirk learned about Spock, before and during their relationship.

**Disclaimer: **Since I'm lazy, I'm just gonna do this once. Gene Roddenberry is the awesome person who owns Star Trek, and J.J. Abrams directed Star Trek XI. Paramount is the distributor.

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**5. ****Contrary to popular belief, Spock can crack jokes and flirt. **

"Hey, Spock?"

"Yes, Captain?"

Kirk sighed at that, placing a light slap on the half-Vulcan's shoulder as he insisted, "It's Jim when we're off-duty, Spock. _Jim._ Why must I keep telling you that?"

Said half-Vulcan merely inclined his head to the side in reply, watching his captain enter the access code to his room as he spoke, "_Jim_, then. Was there something you wished to tell me?"

"I'll tell you while we're playing chess." The shorter man of the pair nodded while entering the room, his First Officer in tow as he pulled out a chess board. He shot another unabashed smile at his companion when they both sat in their places, carefully arranging the chess pieces as he spoke, "What were the scores, again? I don't remember."

"It is 23 to 26, si-" another warning look from Kirk "-Jim. The former being yours." Spock spoke tonelessly, though the slight quirk of his eyebrows betrayed his amusement. "There is also something I wish to inquire of you."

"And what would that be?" The blond asked with a tone of innocence as he moved a pawn from its place.

Spock glanced at the chess piece, then at the arm that pulled back as the pawn was put in place, up until the face that shone with innocence. "What is the purpose of playing chess in the...traditional Terran manner?" He spoke precisely, pushing one of his knights forward in turn.

Kirk moved another pawn forward in response, smiling as he replied, "For old times' sake, I suppose. Not much logic in it, is there?" He chuckled while watching his First Officer make another move, slender fingers sliding away as another chess piece took its place forward.

"I find it logical that you would value ancient tradition." Spock almost murmured in return, watching with interest as his fellow chess-player's grin widened. "Is there something amusing with what I have said?"

"Nah," Kirk shook his head, smiling widely all the while, "I'm just amazed. I'm not really sure, but I think you just admitted that I made a logical decision."

"I believe that is what I said, Jim." Spock raised an eyebrow as he said this, lips quirking upwards as he observed the pleased glint in his Captain's eyes. He glanced from the chess board up to the blonde that sat before him before speaking, "It is your turn."

"Oh yeah." Kirk laughed sheepishly before moving one of his knights forward, rubbing at his nape as he anxiously watched Spock's resulting move. He stared a bit at one of his rooks before suddenly blurting out, "Which way do you swing?"

Spock blinked.

Kirk panicked, mumbling incoherently about how 'that was a bad way to say it' as he fidgeted in his seat. His eyes were darting all over the sides of the room, avoiding his First Officer's gaze which kept him from seeing the clearly amused look on the Vulcan's face.

"It may be that I am a Vulcan- _half_ of my heritage is- but nevertheless, it is flawed logic if you believe that I remember all of the steps and their direction when I dance to swing music. Assuming that I have danced to said form of jazz music, that is." Spock finished calmly.

"Did you just..." Kirk raised a disbelieving eyebrow as he breathed out, "Did you just crack a joke?"

"I did no such thing." Spock inclined his head to the board as he remarked, "It is your turn, Jim."

Kirk paused a bit, staring at his First Officer's face and onto the chess board before finally erupting into laughter. "_Jesus_, Spock, you had me worried there! Sheesh," He slicked his hair back with a wide grin, "People who say that Vulcans can't joke should get their asses kicked."

"Such acts of violence are unnecessary." Spock spoke before directing his full-out stare at Kirk again. "I believe this is the second time that I have to remind you that it is your turn, _Captain?_"

"Alright, alright," Kirk laughed as he moved another one of his chess pieces, "sorry. I just had to...bask in the amazingness of that moment."

"I will continue to pursue my goal of surprising you, if that is what you wish." Spock quirked an eyebrow as he moved one of his own chess pieces.

Kirk grinned. "I would appreciate that. But," he looked up at the half-Vulcan from his previous work of staring at the chess board as he queried, "I do think you are avoiding the question, Mr. Spock!"

Spock remained silent as his superior officer moved another chess piece, speaking only after he finished his turn, "If you would be so kind as to repeat the question?" He queried in an I'm-an-innocent-little-Vulcan tone, pushing a pawn forward and gently knocking one of Kirk's own to the side.

"I was asking," Kirk uttered slowly- as if talking to a child, Spock thought-, emphasizing each word as he pushed his rook to the side, "if you're, I don't know, attracted to men? I'm not saying that you're _gay-_not at all!_"_ Kirk waved a hand in dismissal at that, watching as Spock moved one of his pawns forward before continuing, "'cause everyone on the ship knows that you're with Uhura, which clearly means you're attracted to women-" "Are you attracted to me, Jim?"

"...wha?"

Spock stared directly at him. "Are you attracted to me, Captain?"

"Maybe I am." Kirk quickly replied in a purr, fluttering his eyelashes as he reclined into his chair. "I have a thing for green, you know." He grinned lasciviously, spreading his arms out onto the armrests as he pushed his knight forward- knocking down a pawn of Spock's in the process. He had long ago realized that a good way to hide what you really meant was to make it a joke, after all.

The half-Vulcan quietly watched in response, ignoring the teasing jab made about his blood color. "It's a pity though," Kirk continued with a dramatic sigh while unashamedly staring at Spock's hands as they moved another knight forward, "if you weren't already in a relationship with our communications officer Lieutenant, oh, what I could _do..._"

Spock thought of telling him that his romantic correlation with Nyota had already been terminated, but decided against it just for the sake of keeping it a secret. "What might you do, Jim? I am curious."

Kirk grinned. "What I'd do? Huh. I could push you up to a wall and _ravish_ you right now, take off your clothes slowly and tease your skin-" Spock suppressed a shudder at that "-or I could go _slow..._take you out on dates, give you flowers and chocolate. You know. The romantic stuff."

Spock almost quirked an eyebrow at that, but decided on just staring at Kirk. "I'd have thought that I would be the one taking the more...dominant role, if we decided on pursuing a relationship."

"Goddamn, Spock." Kirk laughed as he pushed his rook forward, wiggling in his seat as he spoke in a highly giddy manner, "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were flirting with me!" He sighed breathily as he reclined in his chair, a weak grin on his face as he added, "Aw, Spock, don't tell me you're getting tired of Uhura? 'cause you know, I'd be totally fine with having you as my boyfriend." He finished with a laugh, though what was in his mind was, '_If you only knew how serious I am about this, Spock.'_

"We'll see." Spock murmured softly, moving his bishop closer to one of Kirk's knights as he sat back in his chair.

"What was that?" Kirk raised an eyebrow in curiosity, moving his knight back as he looked questioningly at Spock. "I thought I heard you say something."

"I was verbally reminding myself of my plan to defeat you for the 27th time." Spock quipped with a quirk of his lips.

"Heh, you arrogant bastard!" Kirk grinned as he moved another pawn forward. "I'm gonna win tonight!"

Spock raised an eyebrow at that. "I'll consider it."

* * *

In the end, Kirk and Spock never got the exact answers to their questions.

Fortunately for Kirk, he won the chess game. (Even _if_ it felt as though Spock was only being lenient on him.)

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**A/N: **Aaahh, I don't know anymore. I planned on making the whole countdown a one-shot, but then this one became longer...so I decided to do it by chapter. Pfft. So yeah, if I needed to remind you guys, I'm a newbie to Star Trek. I might make the characters OOC, or do something else wonky...leave a review so I can correct it! But don't be too harsh, please.

A lot of thank you's to the guys who reviewed on my last ST fanfic! I really loved your reviews! And, uh, this fanfic is like a prequel-and-sequel-in-one for that fanfic, I guess? xD orz

Reviews are much appreciated.

Actually? The reviews from my last fanfic prompted me to do this. I'm sorry if this one was horrible, as I didn't have much time and energy to work on it...more reviews to keep me going, plz? lDd


	2. Spock's source of inebriation is choco

**Title:** Five Things Kirk Learned About Spock**  
Author/Artist:** CrimsonDreamer13  
**Character(s) or Pairing(s):** Kirk/Spock, slight Sulu/Chekov and Scotty/Uhura, Bones**  
Rating: **T  
**Warnings:** Implications of man-on-man sex, curse words  
**Summary: **Five things James T. Kirk learned about Spock, before and during their relationship.

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**4.** **Spock's source of inebriation is chocolate.**

"Fuck yes! It's shore leave time!" Kirk shouted as he leapt up from his chair. He exchanged grins with Sulu and Chekov when they looked back from their stations, patting them both on the back as he exclaimed, "Guess what we're gonna do once we get out of here, guys!"

"I'm guessing it involves you lying on a bed in my sickbay because of your allergies." McCoy suggested with a smirk as he entered the room, smirk quickly changing into an exasperated look as Kirk slung his arm around his shoulders. "For the love of god, Jim, you need to stop being such a careless dumbass! Do you remember what happened last time when you found out you had allergies to Andorian lubricant?!"

"Lighten up, Bonesy!" Kirk exclaimed with a grin as he gave a harder pat on the man's back, "I'm going to be more careful tonight! Wouldn't be fun to ruin everyone's vacation just because of my allergies, would it?" He shot a look at his First Officer after finishing that statement, ignoring the raised eyebrow directed at him as he pointed a finger at the half-Vulcan. "And when I say everyone, I mean _everyone_, Mr. Spock. Even you."

Uhura sighed at that, throwing a disbelieving look at Kirk as she spoke, "Isn't it his choice if he wants to go or not? Unlike you, he knows how to have _fun_ without hurting his self." She finished with a smirk at Kirk, taking note of the crestfallen look on his face while giving a comforting smile to Spock- who in turn gave her a thankful look.

"Pfft," Kirk rolled his eyes as he walked over to Uhura's station, leaning over her chair as he spoke in a nonchalant manner, "Just because you two are having fun with _each other_ every night doesn't mean that he can't have fun with us guys." He quickly donned a grin on his face as he turned back to face Spock, paying no attention to the curious look on the half-Vulcan's face as he chirped, "Isn't that right, Mr. Spock?"

Spock merely inclined his head at that, face blank as he spoke, "I see no reason why I should join you and the others, Captain. I would not be, as you say, 'much fun'."

"'Not much fun'?" Kirk spoke in an incredulous tone, "Are you kidding me? Because if I remember right, we had a lot of fun last night." Kirk wiggled his eyebrows with the last statement, taking great pleasure in the light green color tainting Spock's slightly pale skin. "Mmhmm. _Lots_ of fun."

"Your wording of it is rather inappropriate, Captain." Spock replied, eyebrow elevating when he noticed the horrified look on their CMO's face. "Do not worry, doctor. The Captain, even if he may be irresponsible,-" "Hey!" "-would not fraternize with one of his crew men, I assure you."

"He better not." McCoy remarked with a grimace, shooting a scolding look at Kirk as he spoke, "But if you _do_, well," he sighed while rubbing his temple, "at least I know that both of you aren't sick with anything."

Spock's eyebrow elevated a bit higher at that, directing said raised eyebrow at McCoy as he spoke, "I believe there is a thing called doctor-patient confidentiality, doctor?"

McCoy rolled his eyes in response, waving a hand in dismissal as he ignored the wide grin on Kirk's face. "It's not like you're going to do anything with that information, anyway. Unless the two of you, for some miraculous reason, want to go at it like two goddamn magnets with fucking _polarities-_"

"Bones!" Kirk gasped in a mock scandalized manner, a hand on his chest as he spoke, "I cannot _believe_ that you just revealed the secret and forbidden love I have for my First Officer! Oh, I feel so _scandalized._" He faked a mourning tone as he covered the upper half of his face, mouth twitching to stifle the smile on his face as he continued, "And I thought that you were my _best friend!_ What kind of best friend would reveal such a precious secret-"

"Precious secret, my ass." McCoy scoffed as he leaned over the railings by Spock's station, rubbing at his forehead as he muttered, "Goddamnit, Jim. Why must you keep scarring my poor brain with these images of you and Spock? I'm scarred enough with the images of you and men but _no,_" he scowled, "you just have to go on and blatantly stare at Spock's ass like it isn't his business. What the hell is wrong with you?"

"I observed no such thing." Spock spoke tonelessly, though his eyes clearly revealed his disbelief with their whole conversation. "And we have arrived at our destination."

"_Finally!_" Kirk yelled ecstatically (obviously ignoring McCoy's question) as he pressed the button for communication to Engineering, "Hey Scotty! You better get your ass up here quick so we can find a good pub!"

An equally excited voice with a Scottish accent yelled back, "I'm already gettin' to the Transporter room, Captain! You fellows better hurry!"

Chekov and Sulu exchanged amused smiles at that, the latter pulling a lever back to keep the _Enterprise_ steady on the ground. "She's good, Captain. Any other orders?"

Kirk grinned. "Isn't it obvious?" He slapped McCoy on the back again, earning a look of barely suppressed annoyance from the man as he continued, "I order you men to find me a good pub right now!"

A chorus of "aye, captain"s ensued, Kirk grinning all the while as everyone made their way to the transporter room. But he had to admit, seeing Spock and Uhura hanging back and talking in low voices made him feel a slight hint of jealousy. And suspiciousness.

Definitely suspiciousness.

* * *

"Scotty, you have my respect for finding this awesome place." Kirk remarked as he gulped down another glass of...what was it? Orion beer? Huh, he couldn't remember. "But 'ey," he added quickly after noticing the raised eyebrow from the Scot, "It's not like you didn't have my respect before!"

"Good to know that you 'ave high opinion of me, Captain." Scotty replied dryly, leaning a bit on the counter as he drank from his mug of whiskey. "I hate to sound nosy, but should you really be drinkin' that, Chekov? I thought you were only seventeen."

"I am, in fact, eighteen." Chekov nodded as he finished another bottle of vodka, grinning lopsidedly as he leaned closer to Sulu. The latter laughed softly in turn, stealing the new bottle that the Russian just took and drank from it. Chekov pouted at that, but quickly brightened up when Sulu handed the half-empty bottle back to him. Which he drank in one full swallow.

_Damn,_ Kirk thought.

"You still look so young, though." Uhura commented as she sipped from her Talarian cocktail- leaning a bit too close for comfort to their Chief Engineer, in Kirk's own (very important) opinion.

_Isn't she at least feeling a bit ashamed with her boyfriend beside her?_ Kirk thought, before adding with a slightly smug tone (how he did that mentally, he'll never know), _and beside me, apparently._

"Hey, Spock," McCoy spoke calmly despite the light flush of his cheeks, "drink this." He pushed a wineglass forward, with suspiciously dark content in it. Spock merely stared at said wineglass, then at McCoy who spoke with exasperation, "Good god, man, it's not poison. It's just some Kolaran wine."

Spock nodded at that, though he still made no move to drink the wine. He spoke, "You do know that I cannot be intoxicated by alcohol, do-" he got a look from both Kirk and McCoy at that "-McCoy?"

"Just drink the goddamn wine, Spock!" McCoy exclaimed before gulping down more of his beer, glaring at the half-Vulcan as he did so. "Before I shove it down your throat!"

"I do not think that that is a wise action to take."

"What?" McCoy squinted his eyes at Spock, almost spilling his drink as he waved it around, "Are you telling me you're _scared_ to taste some harmless wine? I thought you couldn't get drunk off of it?"

"That is correct. I cannot 'get drunk', as you call it." Spock replied calmly.

"Then what's stoppin' you?" Scotty added with a daring tone, hand covering Uhura's (which Kirk definitely found odd, since Scotty knew that she was with Spock) as he leaned towards Spock. "It's just a harmless lil' drink, ain't it?"

Spock quirked an eyebrow at that, looking from the wineglass to McCoy then to Scotty. "Why do you two insist that I drink this...liquor? What is the purpose?"

"Meester Spock iz scared of ze wine, then." Chekov giggled as he nuzzled his forehead into Sulu's arm, obviously inebriated while he did so. Sulu could only grin at that, patting the younger man's hair as he sipped from his glass of tequila.

Uhura couldn't help the soft laugh from coming out of her lips when she noticed this scene, as well as the smile on her face when she felt an arm making its way around her waist. "Just try it out, Spock. It wouldn't hurt, would it?"

"I...suppose." Spock replied with slight hesitation as he paid no heed to Scotty's arm around Uhura's waist, taking the glass from the counter and taking a careful sip from it.

"What does it taste like, Spock?" Sulu queried while still running his hand through a certain Russian's hair, the latter man laughing softly in return as he leaned into the Asian man's touch.

Spock paused before taking another slow sip, attracting the stares of his fellow _Enterprise_ crew –and friends, he added mentally- before he spoke, "It is...oddly delicious." He took another sip to prove his statement, earning grins from his shipmates as he did so.

Kirk quietly continued drinking his beer as he stared at Spock's fingers; which were holding the wineglass up as he sipped, then moved his stare lower- down the half-Vulcan's neck as his Adam's apple bobbed whilst he swallowed the wine, down his chest which was covered by a delightfully tight black shirt, and- _no._ _No more dirty thoughts tonight, Kirk. You're drunk and you might do something stupid,_ he chided himself.

But really, he'd have to be blind if he didn't notice the celadon color slowly appearing on Spock's cheeks, reaching to his neck and ears as he sipped more of his wine. Spock stared thoughtfully at the wineglass in his hands as he did so, before looking up at McCoy and asking, "McCoy? If I may ask, what are the ingredients of this...Kolaran wine?"

McCoy hummed in response, waving at a woman that passed by them as he muttered, "Fermented apples, a little bit of alcohol, and dark chocolate." He shrugged as he turned back around to face Spock, gulping down his beer before noticing the half-Vulcan's widened eyes. "Anything wrong?"

Spock mumbled something incoherently as he placed the wineglass back on the counter, hand noticeably trembling as his cheeks became flushed with color. His shipmates had to stare at this, eyebrows simultaneously furrowing as Kirk asked, "What did you just say?"

"I said," Spock breathed out, eyes becoming half-lidded as he clenched his fists, "chocolate is a...a source of inebriation for Vulcans. As I am still half-Vulcan, it seems as though I have become affected by it."

Silence.

And then, "So you're _drunk?_"

"Apparently I am, McCoy." Spock mumbled as he rubbed the bridge of his nose, senses becoming heightened as he felt the air becoming a bit warmer; saw the lights becoming too bright, heard the muffled whispers from the other tables, tasted the tang of chocolate on his tongue and smelled..._smelled arousal?_ He clenched his eyes shut as he noticed this, the strong scent of excitement surrounding him as he stood up shakily. "I...I must return to the ship. Excuse me."

"Hell no, you're not." Kirk murmured as he took Spock's arm, receiving a –surprisingly open- curious-slash-surprised look from the half-Vulcan. "At least, not alone. I'm helping you get to the _Enterprise. _You look piss-drunk, anyway. Chocolate's that bad for you?"

Spock chose to ignore the question, trying to tug his arm away from Kirk and failing as he groused, "Captain, I must insist that you stay with the others. I do not want to be a burden-"

"You are not a goddamn burden, okay?" Kirk hissed as he pulled Spock along, ignoring the worried looks from their shipmates as they made their way out of the bar and onto the empty road. "I know that you want Uhura to be taking care of you while you're drunk, but you might do something _irrational_-" Spock raised an eyebrow at that "-and don't give me that damn look, because you've already seen what humans can do when they're inebriated. You're still half-human, you have urges, and who knows _what_ you might do when you and the Lieutenant are alone."

"I'm imagining that it would be a horrible experience." Spock muttered as he unconsciously leaned on Kirk, the latter more than pleased with this as he slipped a hand around the half-Vulcan's waist to support him as they beamed up the _Enterprise._

Spock felt his skin tingle as he opened his eyes to the sight of the transporter room, barely holding back a wince as he saw imprinted in his mind flashes of white light. "I believe I can get to my quarters on my own, Cap- Jim." He muttered under his breath as he stepped off of the transporters, afterwards furrowing his eyebrows when he felt more than saw Kirk still holding onto him. "Jim?"

Kirk could only grin in response, shifting his hold on Spock a bit to remind his self that the half-Vulcan's hand was still clutching onto his shoulder. "Nah, I don't think you can walk on your own."

"I suppose that is true." Spock mumbled with a small nod, letting his Captain guide him through the (thankfully) empty hallways of the _Enterprise_ until they got to his room. Kirk regretted that the only way he could hold Spock so closely was through his drunkenness but hey, he had to take what he could get, couldn't he?

And Spock was warm. Very, very warm.

_Almost to the point of fever, actually_, Kirk thought with a frown as they reached Spock's quarters. He quickly muttered the Captain's override code to the computer as he gripped Spock closer, pulling him into the room as gently as he could. "Spock..? Are you okay?"

Spock let out shaky breath at that, closing his eyes as he tried to regain proper mental balance. "I think it would be preferred if you left me alone, Jim." Kirk frowned at that, feeling a tad bit hurt with the half-Vulcan's words along with the harsh tone that came with it. "I need to meditate, so that I may regain...my clear-headedness."

"No." Kirk spoke firmly, feeling a bit more sober with the anger and worry welling in his chest. "I'm _worried _about you, okay? I just..." he bit his lip, sighing in frustration as he pulled back from Spock to hold him by the shoulders. "I don't know what's wrong with you. You're...you're hotter than normal. In the literal sense. Are you sure you're just drunk?"

Spock had to clench his fists when he saw Kirk bite his lip, eyes dimming with- _with lust, _Spock thought grimly. "Jim, _please_, I'm not sure if I can stop myself-"

"Stop yourself from _what?_" Kirk bit out, grip tightening and loosening in intervals as he tried to ignore the dark green flush on Spock's face. "What's wrong? I can't help you if you don't tell me!"

"It's you!" Spock yelled, control breaking _and no no no Jim is your _friend_ you can't do this you can't you can't- _

But he had already pushed Kirk to the wall when he regained some of his sense, already rasping out, "You. It's always _you._ I don't- I don't know _why._ I just cannot understand why I would want you this badly, why I can't _control myself_ and I can't-"

"What if I want you back?"

Spock blinked. He could not have just heard James T. Kirk say that.

Kirk laughed softly when he saw the confusion on Spock's face, moving a hand forward to press on the half-Vulcan's chest, fingers trailing down and down... "I want you, Spock. I'm not gonna break, you know." A crooked grin. "I'm not that fragile."

And before Spock knew it, all the shields in his mind and around his heart had plummeted down to a place that he could care less about.

He had never thought that it would feel this good to be _free._

_

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_

**A/N: **Augh. This is terrible. But at least I tried. *sob* Thank you so much for the reviews and faves, guys! I really loved them! And, uh, sorry to **Kikachubachan** if I repeated the two people speaking in one paragraph thing. orz It had to be done to show the interruptions, so...yeah. orz orz orz

Sorry if this took so long, as I was stressing over the recital I have tomorrow-...and I was busy drawing Minun!Spock. Pffft. If you want to check my art out, just copy and paste this link onto that thing on the toolbar and remove the spaces: http://crimsondreamer13. deviantart .com/

And er, I fail at manporn? orz I don't know if I should write it out...but if you guys want me to, please leave a review! I'll try my best knowing that there are people out there waiting for another chapter of this fanfic. xDd


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